I've always been a dreamer. Always. For as long as I can remember. I constantly daydream. I often have to pull myself back into the present from where my mind has wondered or from what it has created. I tend to always envision what could be; or, what I think should be. My nights are rarely accompanied with undisturbed or uninterrupted sleep. Nights that do seem to be dreamless, I tend to wake with a sense of wonder and confusion. Why didn't I dream? And, why do I not feel rested?
Throughout my life, one of the very few things that kept me going was the ability to dream. To be able to dream bigger than the current situations. Dream louder than the voices of opposition, however well-meaning, from strangers, friends, and family. To be able to dream longer than the residing and reoccurring difficulties and doubts that were within and without myself.
Eventually, those dreams became arranged and molded by God; which, then turned into ideas. Ideas that, even now, seem to go against the social norms and perceived logical reasoning. Ideas that seem almost perfect in their illustrations within my mind. Ideas that leave me baffled as to why God has placed them within my heart.
I am certainly not one of the most educated of persons. Nor, most articulate. My skills and talents have never really exceeded "mediocre". I have never been one to stand out in a crowd or to be the social butterfly or an extroverted individual. With, all of these, I have grown to love who God has created me to be. I have learned to excel, or at the very least attempt to excel, in areas He has gifted me in. And, those in which He has not. Yet, it is very daunting when one has such huge dreams and years go by without them hardly coming into the light.
This, is where I am. I feel propelled towards the accomplishing of my dreams; yet, I still have no idea how to go about accomplishing them. Or, even, an idea of how to try to accomplish them.
Example:
I have always loved music. I love the way music has the capability of moving people. You may have found that artists use their craft to convey their own experienced emotions and lifestyles. Others, speak of desired emotions and lifestyles. Regardless, people are moved. Emotions often result and actions may even follow: crying, dancing, laughing, fighting, serving, hoping, dreaming.
My dreams have changed and been molded over the passed decade or so; yet, the vastness of them remains the same. One of which is: I have a heart for music. I have a heart for making GREAT music. I have a heart for seeing reality and wisdom and knowledge and healing and community and restoration come through the lyrics and composition of melodies. I do believe that I have a story to tell through the artistry of song writing. I do believe that even healing can come through the expertise of learned instruments. I do believe I am supposed to record an album. (If you just read that and are scoffing; believe me, I'm right there with you.) I do believe that those songs will impact all those who hear them because of their relevancy and offered hope. And, yet, inadequacy reigns supreme in my life; or, so it has always seemed. Even with these dreams, I am less than mediocre in accompanying myself instrumentally. I usually have a lot to say via blogs, letters, and poetry; however, turning those thoughts and emotions into songs seems to elude me. A HUGE hurdle in where I now stand.
This is really only a taste of what is going on in my mind recently; and, not so recently. I cannot seem to figure anything out on my own. Therefore, today's post is an ambiguous cry for help I suppose. Both, from friends and from God. I feel at a standstill in so many aspects of my life.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. I'm not sure whether you even wanted to hear all this or not. However, if nothing else, please keep me in your prayers. I covet them.
Throughout my life, one of the very few things that kept me going was the ability to dream. To be able to dream bigger than the current situations. Dream louder than the voices of opposition, however well-meaning, from strangers, friends, and family. To be able to dream longer than the residing and reoccurring difficulties and doubts that were within and without myself.
Eventually, those dreams became arranged and molded by God; which, then turned into ideas. Ideas that, even now, seem to go against the social norms and perceived logical reasoning. Ideas that seem almost perfect in their illustrations within my mind. Ideas that leave me baffled as to why God has placed them within my heart.
I am certainly not one of the most educated of persons. Nor, most articulate. My skills and talents have never really exceeded "mediocre". I have never been one to stand out in a crowd or to be the social butterfly or an extroverted individual. With, all of these, I have grown to love who God has created me to be. I have learned to excel, or at the very least attempt to excel, in areas He has gifted me in. And, those in which He has not. Yet, it is very daunting when one has such huge dreams and years go by without them hardly coming into the light.
This, is where I am. I feel propelled towards the accomplishing of my dreams; yet, I still have no idea how to go about accomplishing them. Or, even, an idea of how to try to accomplish them.
Example:
I have always loved music. I love the way music has the capability of moving people. You may have found that artists use their craft to convey their own experienced emotions and lifestyles. Others, speak of desired emotions and lifestyles. Regardless, people are moved. Emotions often result and actions may even follow: crying, dancing, laughing, fighting, serving, hoping, dreaming.
My dreams have changed and been molded over the passed decade or so; yet, the vastness of them remains the same. One of which is: I have a heart for music. I have a heart for making GREAT music. I have a heart for seeing reality and wisdom and knowledge and healing and community and restoration come through the lyrics and composition of melodies. I do believe that I have a story to tell through the artistry of song writing. I do believe that even healing can come through the expertise of learned instruments. I do believe I am supposed to record an album. (If you just read that and are scoffing; believe me, I'm right there with you.) I do believe that those songs will impact all those who hear them because of their relevancy and offered hope. And, yet, inadequacy reigns supreme in my life; or, so it has always seemed. Even with these dreams, I am less than mediocre in accompanying myself instrumentally. I usually have a lot to say via blogs, letters, and poetry; however, turning those thoughts and emotions into songs seems to elude me. A HUGE hurdle in where I now stand.
This is really only a taste of what is going on in my mind recently; and, not so recently. I cannot seem to figure anything out on my own. Therefore, today's post is an ambiguous cry for help I suppose. Both, from friends and from God. I feel at a standstill in so many aspects of my life.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. I'm not sure whether you even wanted to hear all this or not. However, if nothing else, please keep me in your prayers. I covet them.
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